Yes, I went to a speed dating event.
How was it? Well, for the record, it turned out to be the opposite of what I thought (in every sense).
Ok, let's start.
It had been four months that I had been living in Belgium, and I knew no one here. So, "Dating" in bulk didn't seem like a bad idea.
So, it starts with me getting there 45 minutes earlier than the appointed time (yeah, I did that because I misread it in the confirmation email).
Anyways.
At check-in, they immediately separate men and women in different rooms. The girls were sent directly to the main event room while the guys waited in a separate one (in this case, at a big bot near the bar).
So, after a few minutes of small talk with the guys, the organizer explains the rules and asks you to go to the event room upstairs.
Here are some facts and rules:
- When you check in, they give you two "Drinking tickets". (You can have two "regular" drinks or a more elaborated one).
- Each date is 7 minutes.
- They give you a pen and paper to take notes about your dates
- After finishing the speed dating, a link will be sent to your email where you can select the people that you liked.
- If the person you chose in the "match form" matches you, then your contact data will be shared between you two.
(Also, she told us that were 10 men and 8 women)
In the men's section, I was the only expat. On the women's side, just 3-4 expats (However, most of them have been here for a long time, ex: one Italian girl for 10 years).
Anyway, back to the subject.
After explaining everything, the organizer sends you straight to the event room and lets you choose a random table to start your date (Which potentially may have a love of your life seat there).
And then, the game starts...
You go one by one and talk a little about yourself, ask questions, try to be charismatic and show interest. In short, you give your best.
In the beginning, I was really concerned about awkwardness in the middle of the conversations and getting dull. However, it didn't happen. All the dates went smoothly, and all the girls were lovely.
So, in this sense, it was quite pleasant to chat with all of them.
However, whenever I left a table, I always had the impression that I would have to signal or say something to show that I would like to see that person again on a future date. It is not some sort of an objective rule; however, I felt that as a more subjective thing of the culture. (Nevertheless, I didn't know how to do it without sending the message "I was granted"). So I would say goodbye politely and move to the next table, but I felt that some girls got the following message from me "I am in a rush to leave here because I don't want to continue this with you". But I never left in a rush or in an inappropriate way. Just would say goodbye and leave.
But did you know I moved to the next table when the bell ring also? Just because of this
particular little thing called "respect". You see, when your time is up, a bell rings, telling you that you need to move on. So, disrespecting this is not only wrong but also shows that you don't give a damn about other people's time. Respecting it is the minimum respect you can offer to other candidates. Instead of getting stuck at a table and consuming someone else time.
And talking about moving on when the bell rang, there was this "gentleman" next to me that was always hanging at every table he went, not allowing me to properly "unplug" from my previous table nor letting me start in the next one. Because apparently, he was having this "amazing" and unique chat that he couldn't simply leave (With every girl at every table). Really, the guy seemed like a nail hit by a hammer in every chair he sat in. (Sometimes I felt like I would need a hammer's claw to unpin him)
Despite that, half of the event passed, then we had a pause where we could go to the toilet, get a new drink, cool off, and so on.
But from that on, things started to get weird…by becoming too social...
Yes, you read it correctly.
Everyone started to talk to everyone. Girls to the guys, guys to the girls. Like it was a normal event where people were simply inside a room and talking to each other, like a 10th-year school gathering, for example).
I don't know you, but I don't want to share information about my dates with the other candidates. Also, you don't want your "selected one" to make any wrong conclusions about seeing you chatting joyfully with another girl (However you are just talking to this girl because you are being polite and social.
Besides the fact it was a dating event. It is weird to have people hanging out as if it had not crossed their minds that it was such an event (But like a gathering event instead).
It was so weird...
But, getting back to the subject
After the break, we had to go back to speed dating to finish the rounds.
And we did it.
And then, we called for a night?
Oh boy,
No, not at all.
Because apparently, people decided that it would be a great idea to hang out after the event. And from this point on, I couldn't understand a thing.
Wouldn't you feel embarrassed enough to hang out with people you have just dated for 7 minutes? (Considering that lots of them you didn't like that much).
Besides, sharing too much information.
How?
Let me show you.
Girls talking to girls about the guys, guys talking to guys about the girls, and why on earth would I like to know who else is interested in someone I like? Why would I want to know about someone I like be interested in someone else?
After the event, I discovered that some girls made this "self-support" group on WhatsApp just "brief" about their dates. Although it seems perfectly natural, if you take a closer look, you will find out that it is the worst thing ever.
Imagine for a second that you are one of the girls in the group that matched someone, and then you find that he also matched with someone else. Or that one of your friends starts to say how interested she is in your match (Because she matched him too). However, it could easily make you want to discard the person because she is so into him and you both didn't have that big click, despite you liking him). Or what about if your friend starts to bad-mouth someone that you matched? Even she is bad-mouthing him on purpose to make you want to discard the person. (Again, we never know what are people's intentions)
Do you see it? Nothing good can come out of it….
Well, you might say that at least they have this self-support group where you can cope and vent all your frustrations.
(Come on, grow up and learn how to deal with that, please…)
And probably, the guys might have done the same. (But I am not sure, since I didn't want to get that social, haha).
After all that, I concluded that speed dating in Belgium wasn't all about finding a date but also about making new friends. (Apparently).
To be honest, It could have kind of jeopardized me, in fact. Because one girl matched me and started to tell the others how much "we connected". However, one girl that I indeed had a great chat with was on this self-support group. So, maybe because of that, she didn't put a match with me. After all, I supposedly had this great connection with this other girl (according to her), so why would she waste her time with me?
In the end, I was just interested in two. But just got one match. And it was through this match I got all that information about the WhatsApp group.
Also, through her, I found out that none of the girls in that group matched with someone.
So, at the end of it, I just got 1 match, which turned out not to be that good.
But I got some valuable information about it and a couple of lessons learned.
- Don't drink any alcoholic drinks (Because the amount of relaxation that you might get would not compensate for the amount of sharpness that you lose). I didn't have any alcoholic drinks, and I was glad I didn't. Because I realized how important it is to keep your mind sharp to properly handle all the talking. (which is kind of fatiguing).
- Be normal. By that, I mean talking normally and on normal topics. They all were friendly, so you can hold onto a normal conversation. Look normal and be normal
- If there is any pause between the rounds, don't spend your time socializing with anyone. Just go to the bathroom or go outside and play on your phone (Simply because you can get some misleading information).
- Just select the people that you really like. (This seems pretty obvious, but sometimes we find ourselves in a position where we want to have at least one person to match us, or we are just curious to know how many people liked us. However, it is a major mistake because if you match someone you are not really into, then you will have to deal with someone who probably thinks you both had this amazing connection. And then it can be a real pain in the ass to get rid of later.
- After finishing off, leave the place so you don't fall into the temptation of getting additional information that could easily mislead you. (If I may suggest, don't get anyone's contact because this "new friend" may tell something about you to your matches or to other participants that will finally reach your matches…and then that could completely screw you up). It seems a little bit paranoid, but it certainly can happen.
So, that's it!
I hope you enjoyed it!!!
See you!
Kyle.