Inconvenient people: The opposite wingman

 I will start with an observation: This blog must have a theme because every day, I change topics.

Today we will talk about inconvenient people. Especially those who try to ruin your plan when you are trying to hit on someone.

Yeah, you read that correctly.

I must give a special thanks to those people because if it weren't for them, I wouldn't have this post today.

Well, inconvenient people are everywhere and manifest in many forms.

However, one particular type that I hate are those who see that you are hitting on someone and decide to show up and be part of the conversation.

Isn't that horrible? Have ever that happened to you?

Picture this scenario: You are there getting along with this hot person and then this "friend" simply shows up, tries to the conversation and just doesn't leave. 

It happened to me a couple of times.

Ok, you may say

• That person doesn't know he is being inconvenient

Well, some of them don't. However, some know that pretty well.

Somehow these people are just using a tactic that I would like to baptize as "Opposite Wingman".

An opposite wingman is well known for using the friendship/acquittance that they have with you to approach the person you are talking to. So, that's why it is called "Opposite Wingman", because they use you as their "Wingman" (That is a guy that is supposed to help you to have someone, but, they use you to have that someone instead).

In fact, they are cowards that don't have the courage/guts to approach that person by themselves and are utterly jealous of those who have the manners to do that. 

So anytime he sees you having some success with someone, they are filled with instantaneous jealousy and will jump immediately in the middle of the conversation just to feel what you're feeling. 

Depending on the person, he/she is just doing that to blow the whole thing away (As they were desperately in love with that person, so they couldn't ever allow you to have her/him).

The most incredible about it is how shameless they are! They feel no shame about using your friendship to do that, nor ruining the thing for you.

It is amazing how that has already happened to me:

You are hitting off with someone; then all those guys come out from nothing (like they were materialized) trying to ruin the thing (And the most amazing thing, you never see them talking to that person before, but suddenly there they are!)

Oh boy, how I do hate it...

Anyway, that's an excellent way to spot if someone is truly your friend or not. Because it must be a real jerk for showing up like that or just a true friend (A real gentleman) to leave you there having your time.

So, that's it.

I hope you liked it.

See you in the next post!

À la prochaine!

Au revoir!

Kyle.

Let's vent - A bad experience in a restaurant in Cologne (Köln, Germany)

Today's topic is restaurants.

So, I have a question:

Do you know what is worse than bad food? 

Answer:

Bad customer service.

Ok, sometimes they fail because the number of available waiters is not enough to serve everyone properly, and certainly, that can be disappointing. However, what I am talking about is when the waiter seems to be mean to you.

Do you know when they ignore or mistreat you simply because they don't like you?

And I always ask myself why.

They treat everyone well there, but it seems that you are the only person that is having a hard time with them.

Could you get the picture?

So let me tell you about a situation that happened to me two days ago.

I went on this weekend trip to Cologne, Germany (I live in Belgium, so it is not that far), and around 4 p.m. I decided to take a break and have a traditional German dessert somewhere. 

So I chose this restaurant close to me, got in, and this person that seemed to be the owner hosted me inwards. 

Then after choosing something on the menu (An apfelstrudel), I looked for someone to take my order and found this guy dressed up like what seemed to be a waiter that was apparently free (Like doing nothing).

So, I waved at him. 

He looked me back straight in the eyes and ignored me.

Then I thought, 

"Did he just ignore me?"

"Maybe he is not a waiter."

(Because he was just wearing a suit vest and had no waiter wallet in the waist). 

"Maybe he didn't see my hand because it wasn't high enough."

So, I decided to give the benefit of the doubt because maybe he hadn't seen my hand waving at him.

Ok, so I went for a second shot. 

I waved to him more firmly, trying to call him. 

And guess what just happened? 

He looked me back and ignored me again.

I was astonished.

Then I thought: "This dude is really ignoring me".

Still, I considered that maybe he wasn't a waiter or is just a host, so that's why he ignored me (Despite if he is a host, you don't simply ignore a customer as the way he did).

Anyway, I waited for someone else. (In this case, the owner that hosted me in the first place)

However, a few moments later, that dude started to serve the tables next to me, so that guy was indeed a waiter in charge of that area.

So, he had undoubtedly ignored me.

I was just stupefied.

How could he have done that to me?

Why?

And for what?

He had decided to attack me for no good reason.

Weird, isn't it?

But it hasn't finished yet.

When the check came, I got my card to pay (Because I didn't see any issue with paying 9,90 Euros by card, moreover, I am in Cologne, not a village).

But the owner refused to accept it. 

He said that card is usually accepted above 20 Euros ( in a condescending manner)

I simply couldn't believe it. 

So, feeling pretty odd, I opened my wallet and tried to wave to him a 50 Euro bill (because I couldn't see any other), but, in this meanwhile, he was giving a deep look at my wallet in my wallet and "kindly" pointed out to use the 10 Euro bill instead of the 50.... (Unbelievable, not only did he not accept my card, and looked invasively inside my wallet, but he also decided with which bill I should pay...)

But It hasn't finished yet....

After all of that, he explicitly said that I still needed to tip him...

Really, can you believe that??

I couldn't believe that he had the guts to say that (In the way he did it).

He specifically said: It is 1 Euro.

Ok, that's it.

That was too much.

Let's brief the whole thing: I was rudely ignored twice by that waiter, and this one was being so petty about how to pay by examining the inside of my wallet, choosing the money bill I should use, and now he calls me out about the tip? On the way he did it?

Are you fuck&%& kidding me??

End of the story, I didn't tip him and mentioned the situation about the waiter.

He seemed baffled. (Not because of the waiter but because I refused to give a tip anyway) 

Anyway, I simply stood up and walked away.

Ok, that's it.

I hope that you "enjoyed" it, and I will see you in the next post!

À la prochaine!

Obs: If you have been through a similar situation and want to share it, please use the comment section to tell me!

See you!!!

Kyle.

The importance of forgiveness and letting it go

Yeah, you read that title correctly.

So many times in my life, I paid people back according to their mistakes towards me. Do you know why?

Because it seemed fair;

In my head, it was like this: I was here calm and quiet, and then this piece of sh/#&  came and did that thing to me. So, guess what: I would pay it back. 

How?

Well, during my lifetime on earth, this "paying back" already had a lot of shapes.

In the beginning, it was more like doing exactly the same thing to that person. But after some years of practicing, I just got pain.  

Yes, pain for feeling bad about doing the same thing that I was condemning in the first place and also because it used to initiate a vicious circle of throwing and receiving.

So, I  would just get stuck in those emotional traps until the time that I decided not to fall into them anymore.

However, I would still get upset. And by getting upset, I would put a big hat of blame in people's heads that would basically lead to cutting them off of my life or not giving them any opportunity to build any relationship with them (Because in my head, they were the incarnated evil).

That seemed pretty fair to me.

But as life continues, you notice that you can't simply get rid of people; somehow, they must continue in your life. At work, for example.

For several reasons I will explain later, I decided to continue to be nice to them, no matter what. Like they never make a mistake towards me.

And guess what happened? They started to become nicer to me, To have more trust in me. Relationships began to be built up ( Just because I decided no longer to shut the door down).

With time I started to realize that those people were not as bad as I used to think. 

Forgiving them as they have never done what they did towards me, gave me every day a new opportunity to build up the relationship correctly.

Consequently, that starts to give a little piece of peace in your head.

Now, why have I decided to change? 

In life, we get this kind of thinking: "I can let people play with me",  "I can't let people make me a fool," and "they can't even think for a second that I am naive", "this is wrong, how could I let that go?".  

If you are human, you've probably already got stuck with these thoughts or situations that lead you to think like that. 

Yeah, it is "perfectly" natural. However, let me tell you that it is imperfect.

Yes, imperfect. 

Because justice utterly requires balance. 

"Justice is balance".

If you are human and do something wrong, justice brings justice to correct, cleanse and ultimately erase what you did wrong.

So, in an attempt to bring correction, it brings punishment ( through destruction).

In a so fallen world, justice would not only prevent us from developing, but ultimately it would obliterate us.

Imagine a big field of grass trying to grow, and then the forces of nature realize that they are not growing aesthetically perfect at a microscopic level; Then they would come and trim every imperfection. Well, you don't need to be a genius to realize that this field would never grow (Because it is imperfect, in essence)

Now, imagine for a second that this force of nature that is in charge of the field is just power and justice. So,  it would destroy the field while trying to correct it. Wouldn't it be much better if this force would care a little bit and let the grass grow even with those microscopic imperfections? Because in the end, we would get a beautiful grass field that potently could be a beautiful landscape.

So, the point is to care. To love what is in its hands.

So, love is the solution.

Love is perfection.

Love goes further and beyond justice.

Love forgives.

Justice is good, but love is perfect.

So, why have I changed?

Not only because I experienced its results. But also because I believe in God.

Yes, you read that correctly.

If you don't believe it, at least assume that what I have said so far makes sense. We are imperfect, and letting slide the imperfections of others allows us to get a good thing in the end.

I think that God behaves in the same way. He sees all our imperfections, shortcomings, missteps, etc.. But, he continuously gives us new opportunities every day because he knows that we have so much potential to do things right in the future, like the grass field that I mentioned.

So, in the end, because God is love.

My thoughts on Speed Dating (in Belgium)

Yes, I went to a speed dating event.

How was it? Well, for the record, it turned out to be the opposite of what I thought (in every sense). 

 

Ok, let's start.

It had been four months that I had been living in Belgium, and I knew no one here. So, "Dating" in bulk didn't seem like a bad idea.

So, it starts with me getting there 45 minutes earlier than the appointed time (yeah, I did that because I misread it in the confirmation email). 

Anyways.

At check-in, they immediately separate men and women in different rooms. The girls were sent directly to the main event room while the guys waited in a separate one (in this case, at a big bot near the bar).

So, after a few minutes of small talk with the guys, the organizer explains the rules and asks you to go to the event room upstairs. 

Here are some facts and rules:

• When you check in, they give you two "Drinking tickets". (You can have two "regular" drinks or a more elaborated one).
• Each date is 7 minutes. 
• They give you a pen and paper to take notes about your dates
• After finishing the speed dating, a link will be sent to your email where you can select the people that you liked.
• If the person you chose in the "match form" matches you, then your contact data will be shared between you two.

(Also, she told us that were 10 men and 8 women)

In the men's section, I was the only expat. On the women's side, just 3-4 expats (However, most of them have been here for a long time, ex: one Italian girl for 10 years).

Anyway, back to the subject.

After explaining everything, the organizer sends you straight to the event room and lets you choose a random table to start your date (Which potentially may have a love of your life seat there).

And then, the game starts...

You go one by one and talk a little about yourself, ask questions, try to be charismatic and show interest. In short, you give your best.

In the beginning, I was really concerned about awkwardness in the middle of the conversations and getting dull. However, it didn't happen. All the dates went smoothly, and all the girls were lovely.

So, in this sense, it was quite pleasant to chat with all of them. 

However, whenever I left a table, I always had the impression that I would have to signal or say something to show that I would like to see that person again on a future date. It is not some sort of an objective rule; however, I felt that as a more subjective thing of the culture. (Nevertheless, I didn't know how to do it without sending the message "I was granted"). So I would say goodbye politely and move to the next table, but I felt that some girls got the following message from me "I am in a rush to leave here because I don't want to continue this with you". But I never left in a rush or in an inappropriate way. Just would say goodbye and leave.

But did you know I moved to the next table when the bell ring also? Just because of this 

particular little thing called "respect". You see, when your time is up, a bell rings, telling you that you need to move on. So, disrespecting this is not only wrong but also shows that you don't give a damn about other people's time. Respecting it is the minimum respect you can offer to other candidates. Instead of getting stuck at a table and consuming someone else time.

And talking about moving on when the bell rang, there was this "gentleman" next to me that was always hanging at every table he went, not allowing me to properly "unplug" from my previous table nor letting me start in the next one. Because apparently, he was having this "amazing" and unique chat that he couldn't simply leave (With every girl at every table). Really, the guy seemed like a nail hit by a hammer in every chair he sat in. (Sometimes I felt like I would need a hammer's claw to unpin him)

Despite that, half of the event passed, then we had a pause where we could go to the toilet, get a new drink, cool off, and so on. 

But from that on, things started to get weird…by becoming too social...

Yes, you read it correctly.

Everyone started to talk to everyone. Girls to the guys, guys to the girls. Like it was a normal event where people were simply inside a room and talking to each other, like a 10th-year school gathering, for example).

I don't know you, but I don't want to share information about my dates with the other candidates. Also, you don't want your "selected one" to make any wrong conclusions about seeing you chatting joyfully with another girl (However you are just talking to this girl because you are being polite and social.

Besides the fact it was a dating event. It is weird to have people hanging out as if it had not crossed their minds that it was such an event (But like a gathering event instead).

It was so weird...

But, getting back to the subject

After the break, we had to go back to speed dating to finish the rounds. 

And we did it.

And then, we called for a night?

Oh boy, 

No, not at all.

Because apparently, people decided that it would be a great idea to hang out after the event. And from this point on, I couldn't understand a thing. 

Wouldn't you feel embarrassed enough to hang out with people you have just dated for 7 minutes? (Considering that lots of them you didn't like that much). 

Besides, sharing too much information.

How?

Let me show you.

Girls talking to girls about the guys, guys talking to guys about the girls, and why on earth would I like to know who else is interested in someone I like? Why would I want to know about someone I like be interested in someone else?

After the event, I discovered that some girls made this "self-support" group on WhatsApp just "brief" about their dates. Although it seems perfectly natural, if you take a closer look, you will find out that it is the worst thing ever.

Imagine for a second that you are one of the girls in the group that matched someone, and then you find that he also matched with someone else. Or that one of your friends starts to say how interested she is in your match (Because she matched him too). However, it could easily make you want to discard the person because she is so into him and you both didn't have that big click, despite you liking him). Or what about if your friend starts to bad-mouth someone that you matched? Even she is bad-mouthing him on purpose to make you want to discard the person. (Again, we never know what are people's intentions)

Do you see it? Nothing good can come out of it….

Well, you might say that at least they have this self-support group where you can cope and vent all your frustrations.

(Come on, grow up and learn how to deal with that, please…)

And probably, the guys might have done the same. (But I am not sure, since I didn't want to get that social, haha).

After all that, I concluded that speed dating in Belgium wasn't all about finding a date but also about making new friends. (Apparently). 

To be honest, It could have kind of jeopardized me, in fact. Because one girl matched me and started to tell the others how much "we connected". However, one girl that I indeed had a great chat with was on this self-support group. So, maybe because of that, she didn't put a match with me. After all, I supposedly had this great connection with this other girl (according to her), so why would she waste her time with me?

In the end, I was just interested in two. But just got one match. And it was through this match I got all that information about the WhatsApp group.

Also, through her, I found out that none of the girls in that group matched with someone.

So, at the end of it, I just got 1 match, which turned out not to be that good.

But I got some valuable information about it and a couple of lessons learned.

• Don't drink any alcoholic drinks (Because the amount of relaxation that you might get would not compensate for the amount of sharpness that you lose). I didn't have any alcoholic drinks, and I was glad I didn't. Because I realized how important it is to keep your mind sharp to properly handle all the talking. (which is kind of fatiguing). 
• Be normal. By that, I mean talking normally and on normal topics. They all were friendly, so you can hold onto a normal conversation. Look normal and be normal 
• If there is any pause between the rounds, don't spend your time socializing with anyone. Just go to the bathroom or go outside and play on your phone (Simply because you can get some misleading information).
• Just select the people that you really like. (This seems pretty obvious, but sometimes we find ourselves in a position where we want to have at least one person to match us, or we are just curious to know how many people liked us. However, it is a major mistake because if you match someone you are not really into, then you will have to deal with someone who probably thinks you both had this amazing connection. And then it can be a real pain in the ass to get rid of later.
• After finishing off, leave the place so you don't fall into the temptation of getting additional information that could easily mislead you. (If I may suggest, don't get anyone's contact because this "new friend" may tell something about you to your matches or to other participants that will finally reach your matches…and then that could completely screw you up). It seems a little bit paranoid, but it certainly can happen.

So, that's it!

I hope you enjoyed it!!!

See you!

Kyle.

C